Untangled: Raise Your Boys to Be Good Husbands
By: Maram Behairy
As hard as it is to imagine, our kids are not our property. They are not meant to be our servants. They are not meant to be forever under our care.
Our children are meant to be released into the world. They are an amana, or trust, from Allah SWT for a period of time.
To parent correctly is to keep this focus:
Are you developing this child to be a khalifa of Allah SWT on earth? A source of goodness to others?
As a khalifa of Allah, the first source of goodness must to be oneself. But the next level is to one’s family.
I titled this article specific to boys. While so much of parenting a boy or a girl is similar, there are some aspects that must be emphasized for each because of the nature of our world and their future roles.
As a mother, I am constantly instructing my sons on how to be a leader. What does it mean to truly love another? It means to want goodness and growth for your beloved.
To be a leader means to be charged with the development and care of another.
To be a husband means to be the protector of your wife’s heart, body, and soul.
I know so many women may be reading these words and feel sadness for not having this. A longing for it. And maybe a resentment that you will raise your son to be this for another woman.
My answer is: don’t pass the hot potato.
First, you never know what goodness will bloom in your own marriage as you focus on creating the groundwork for a beautiful marriage for another woman—your future daughter-in-law.
Next, by developing the foundation of a good leader in your own son, you are nurturing qualities that you will also benefit from in your old age. Yes, you can guilt and control your children into being obedient forever, but being cared for by a strong and competent man-leader is far more rewarding than being obeyed by a man-baby.
To the mothers reading this, raise your son to be the kind of husband you want for yourself.
To the fathers, mentor your son to be the kind of husband you want for your beloved daughter.
وعن أبي هريرة رضي الله عنه قال : قال رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم “أكمل المؤمنين إيمانا أحسنهم خُلقا، وخياركم خياركم لنسائهم” ((رواه الترمذي وقال : حديث حسن صحيح))
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said:
”The believers who show the most perfect Faith are those who have the best behavior, and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.”
[At-Tirmidhi, who categorized it as Hadith Hasan Sahih].
Riyad as-Salihin 278
Chapter 34: Recommendations with regard to Women,
Book: The Book of Miscellany
About the Author:
Maram Behairy is a PhD in Curriculum and Instruction and heads the writers’ group of South Florida Muslim Federation
‘I like to understand the bigger picture, deeper reasons, and nuanced connections. I have always been more interested in the roots under the ground than the fruit above. I complicate and explore in order to find the simple, deep truths. I live those with conviction. My dream is to use my gift for words to inspire and guide others to live with purpose and greater ease. So as I experiment on myself, I will share what I learn along the way. My roles in life (by default my areas of exploration) include being a Muslim, woman, wife, mother, writer, and youth mentor.’
Have a question for the author or want to reach her? Email her at email@example.com.